Oh kids. They have a way to make your heart explode with joy one second, burst in to a million sad pieces another second, and everything in between. Being a working mom can be a difficult road to go down, and you’ll read as many Stay at home mom quotes you can find to help you keep motivated in the face of change and uncertainty in your personal and professional working mom life.
My two boys are amazing. I am sure we ALL think our kids are amazing, because they are! There has never been something in my life that has shaped me more as a person than becoming a mom. I quickly learned my flaws, my selfishness, my strengths, my triumphs.
We all try our best to be the best moms we can. And there are a million and one articles, FB posts, Instagram snippets, whatever- out there that tell us all the things we need to be doing to BE a great mom. How we need to constantly ‘be in the moment’ with our kids, to play 24/7 with them, to be “yes” moms. And while I think those articles can be great, and they can have some good points- I think in the end, they just give the majority of us mom guilt.
There are so many standards that moms feel now-a-days from society to be considered a good mom. The perfect Pinterest worthy parties, the imaginative meals for breakfast-lunch-and freaking dinner, the homemade everything. And while NOTHING is wrong with those things, I think its also important to look at the other side of the spectrum as well.
The other day Jeremy was playing with the boys while I was at a friends baby shower. It is pretty rare for me to leave my family on the weekends. We usually are together {unless Jeremy is away at work} the entire weekend, with date nights happening once the boys are in bed. I cherish our family time immensely. Anyways, while I was away- Bray {my almost 4 year old} said something to Jeremy that kinda broke my heart. He told him that ‘mama says no to playing with me because she has other stuff to do’.
When I first heard that sentence out of Jeremy’s mouth, my heart crumbled. Am I really that mom that is constantly saying No to playing? Do I give him enough attention? Am I not having my priorities straight? Am I even a good mom?!
I processed it the rest of the day. And in the end, these were my thoughts and what I did with them.
-I am a good mom dang it. {repeating that to myself 100x}
-I do say no sometimes, and THATS OK because..
-By me saying no to physically playing with him constantly, it encourages him to use his imagination on his own, or play more with his brother. He gains so much independence from it.
The boys and I spend every.single.morning together from when they get up till nap time, being out of the house doing something fun. Maybe I should have game nights with them so we can spend more time together. Hopefully, I can teach him how to play tabletop RPG (role-playing games) so that he can keep engaged without me being present. That said, we also go to the gym, the park, playdates, library, play areas, you name it. Every day. From 7 am-1 pm it is them focused {with a workout thrown in there sometimes for me- which is great for them because they love the childcare there!} So when the time after naps rolls around, if I don’t have all my work with the blog or oils done, sometimes I do say no to playing for a few more minutes. And you know what happens? He goes outside and explores, hunts for bugs, rides his bike, plays on our playground, plays with Winston, etc. If I’m being brutally honest, I don’t like it when he decides to hunt for bugs, as I always worry that he will accidentally bring them into the house. I don’t want to have to contact a pest control company that is similar to this one in Pennsylvania, (https://www.pestcontrolexperts.com/local/pennsylvania/) to help us resolve our pest infestation problem. Even though this is my least favourite activity, I won’t stop him hunting for bugs, but I’ll just have to make sure that he doesn’t invite them into the house. I do love seeing him taking part in all of these activities. He also learns that not only can he entertain himself, but that he also can handle situations on his own easier. He gains such confidence learning that he CAN climb up the mini rock wall on his own without mamas help. That he can pick up that ladybug and let her fly without mama overseeing it.
I also got to have a great conversation with Bray about how sometimes I cannot be only the role of ‘mama’. I am also a wife that handles the home [ie- cook, clean, keep things running smoothly, date nights]. I am also a worker [ie- blog, oils, brand ambassador]. I am also a friend [ie- a rare lunch out without kids tagging along]. I think it was really important to show him that while I am his mama, and that is SO important to me, that I also play other roles. And sometimes those other roles require my time and attention as well, just like he and his brother do. And thats OK.
So lets all do ourselves a favor and just.stop feeling so guilty all the dang time. Lets embrace the season we are in, in whatever shape and form that looks like for each of us. Because lets be real, it looks different in each and every family.
Well said!
It’s easy to feel the guilts, isn’t it? My boys are 14 and 19 now and I worked fulltime outside the home. My hubs was the SAH parent. I had to say no a lot but when I did get to say YES, Mama made the most of it. I will say though that I have pretty independant guys who know how to do laundry, make their own meals and pack lunches, do dishes, help out around the yard/ house. We always presented our family as a team effort and sometimes quality time was them doing those things so we/ I could say YES to play and fun!
Chill Mama, don’t worry, he will remember the YES times much more than the NOs 🙂
❤️