The Morning I Got My BFP!

I never had any intention of posting this, but yesterday had me reminiscing all day long about Sept 10th 2011, the day I got my first positive pregnancy test. With Sept. 11th being such a heavy day in the US {God bless the USA and those who have fought so hard to keep us safe}, I thought I would lighten it up a little bit with sharing my crazy journal writings from a year ago:

This morning I woke at my usual 7:53 to take my temperature. I wake up at exactly 7:53 everyday to do this, and don’t ask why 7:53 instead of something more normal like 7:50 or 8am. I marked down yet another low temperature, the same one as yesterday, which lead me to believe that we were ‘out’ yet another month. I was bummed, but knew that God had His perfect timing in this, no matter what. I still took a pregnancy test that morning just ‘because’ even though I was fully expecting it to be a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. I took the test, went out to make some coffee, and went back into the bathroom to check. I didn’t see anything at first, so of course me and my detective skills took it a step further. I walked in to my kitchen to a big open window and looked closer. I always had wished and hoped that whenever I did this with all of my other tests, that the sun would magically make a second line appear. Well this morning, it appeared. It really appeared. I immediately had a sense of dis-belief. Then hope. Then fear that it was just messing with my mind and not actually positive. Then the thought came of OH MY GOSH how am I going to tell J? Its got to be good! Then I just stared at the test. For 45 minutes. Straight.

And now, now i’m here writing this, not planning on ever showing anyone it, but just to have these thoughts recorded for myself. J is wandering around the house installing our alarm system. Every time he walks by the computer I have to close it a little just so he cant see. Inside I am wanting to cry {of joy}, wanting to do a dance, wanting to tell him..and EVERYONE I know, and just shout tears of thankfulness at our loving God. Of course I am not going to do one single one of these things until I take another test later today. I am 99% sure it was a positive this morning, but I still want to see another line, on another test, at another time of day. Its like I feel like there is no way that our God can be THIS good, this loving, this amazing. And yet, I have never had a reason to not believe those things of Him. .

As for what I am doing right this second. Writing this. Going through our wedding scrapbook that I never finished, and waiting till it has been long enough to go pee on a stick again! I am praying to God that this mornings test was not just a fluke, and that we are actually pregnant. I am praying that if we are pregnant, that it is with a healthy little baby. That I have a healthy pregnancy. I know both J and I really don’t care what gender we get first when it comes to babies, we just pray and pray that the babe is healthy. I am praying that J and I will be Godly parents. Parents that show love and grace the way God does to us. Parents that are wise in their decisions on how to parent. That we think our actions and words through before doing and saying them to our kids. That our baby will chose to love the God of the universe that we love as well. That this babe will be a Christ follower, all the days of their life.

Dear Lord,

Please protect and grow this {possible} baby inside of me.

–How insanely blessed J and I are to have a beautiful and healthy little boy, Braylen. I am so grateful that the first time I ever got a positive test also lead to a perfect baby. Gosh, God is good, all the time.